


The Way They Were

by includewomeninthesequel



Series: Stars Verse [3]
Category: Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, POV Outsider, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Steggy Children - Freeform, Steggy Week 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25459351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/includewomeninthesequel/pseuds/includewomeninthesequel
Summary: The Carter children finally learn the truth about their father.
Relationships: Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Series: Stars Verse [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838350
Comments: 13
Kudos: 84





	The Way They Were

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in the same universe as [Should the Stars Align](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18904036/chapters/44874205) but you don't need to read that to get this. 
> 
> This very quickly went from one POV to three POV, and as you can tell by the word count, got wildly out of hand. But hey, go big, am I right?
> 
> Written for Steggy Week 2020 Day 5: Outsider POV.

**November 17th, 1974 - The Carter Home, Washington DC**

It was Nate who figured it out first - completely on accident. 

He was doing research for his final essay, poring through book after book for hours trying to compile an extensive resource list. Not that he minded. Nate knew what he was getting himself into when he’d signed up for an extra university-level history course in addition to his senior year high school classes. If anything, he had already gone through more books than was probably necessary for his paper, with some (including the one in his hands) not having a direct relation to the subject he was writing on.

It wasn’t his fault if he found it all so interesting that he couldn’t get enough.

He had always been a hungry learner and - much like his older sisters - loved a challenge. His parents were also nothing if not supportive on the matter. 

So Nate signed up for the class, did most of his work in advance, and found himself some extra reading to do on top of all that.

However, when he got a good look at the picture in front of him, he nearly dropped the book in shock. Nate blinked slowly, staring at the image on the page.

Captain America, unmasked.

In all the other resources he’d found that featured Captain America thus far, he’d had that cowl on his head, masking most of his features. But here, Nate had a view of his entire face - though he was still wearing the rest of the uniform, shield in hand. The man was unsmiling, looking determined to keep up the fight. 

If he ignored the body, he was staring into the face that he’d seen the one time he’d snuck a peak at Nana Winnie’s photo albums. It wasn’t quite the same, but the resemblance was uncanny - not to mention unnerving.

He shook his head slightly in disbelief.

Nate looked over at the picture he had on his nightstand of his family at Sarah’s university convocation two years ago. His parents were on either side of their newly graduated eldest daughter. Dad’s arm was slung around Nate’s shoulders, while Izzy hugged mum with both arms, nearly toppling her over in the process.

If he squinted, he could see the face in the book behind his father’s beard. They definitely had the same eyes, and their body types matched.

Suddenly, so many little things began to fall into place all at once.

Nana Winnie claimed time and again that she helped raise Nate’s dad, but never let them look at photos from his childhood.

His uncle Commandos all fought with Captain America, who they met at Azzano, where they also briefly met their father, who was another prisoner there. It was an unspoken fact that they’d been friends, but dad wasn’t chosen to be a Commando with the rest of them.

Everyone from the war - mum, all his uncles, even uncle Bucky - would _very rarely_ call his father Steve, claiming it was an old joke from when they’d met him. Mum certainly almost never called him Grant - unless they were in public. Even then she’d usually stick to her fail-safe _darling_.

The “experimentation” that had been done on his father during the war - the reason that his own enhanced abilities had been passed down to him and Sarah and Izzy - wasn’t because he’d been captured and tested on like uncle Bucky, it was the experiment that created Captain America.

His dad is Captain America.

_Was_ Captain America. 

Nate felt like he’d just been punched in the gut.

The world still thought he was dead. He was _supposed_ to be dead.

But he wasn’t dead. He was _very much alive_ , and married to his mum, no less.

Which begged the question: what the _hell_ happened?

What could possibly make him go into hiding? Why the big secret? Why hadn’t dad told him? Or Sarah or Izzy for that matter. 

“Nate, time for dinner!” his dad called out from the kitchen.

“Just a minute,” he answered, voice shaking slightly.

Nate looked back at the photo in the book, then at the one on his nightstand, then back at the book. Now that he’d come to this realization, he couldn’t un-see it. 

_What else was he keeping from them?_

“Nate!”

“Coming!” he said, snapping the book shut and hiding it under his pillow. 

Heart hammering, he walked down the stairs to the dining room table, where his dad was serving dinner and humming, as though he wasn’t supposed to be dead national hero. 

Like he hadn’t been lying to him his entire life.

Nate looked over at his mum, who was leaning against the kitchen counter as she watched dad move around, a glass of whiskey in her hand.

A glass of whiskey meant that mum had had a hard day - though he’d never be able to tell if it wasn’t for dad. It was one of dad’s special ‘mum skills’ - as Izzy liked to tease. His ability to take one look at her the moment she arrived home and know whether it was a tea day or a whiskey day. 

Nate still hadn’t figured out what a lemonade day meant.

“You okay?” dad asked, bringing Nate out of his thoughts. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, darling,” mum answered, rolling her eyes in that same way Nate had long ago realized was only for dad. “There’s no such thing.”

“That’s what the ghosts want you to think,” he quipped.

“I’m fine,” Nate said quickly before they could continue, taking his regular seat. “Just been doing a lot of reading.”

“How’s your paper going?” dad asked as he and mum took their own seats.

Not for the first time, Nate thought about how much easier it would have been if Sarah and Izzy still lived here. Normally they both tended to claim conversation much more than he did. Though he’d hated that as a child, he hadn’t realized how much he appreciated it when he needed to sink back into his own thoughts, which he could desperately use right about now.

At the very least it would buy him some time to think about how to approach this, or at least, practise in his head how to act like nothing had changed.

Instead Nate had to bear it himself, and pretend that the man who had taught him how to ride a bike and was at every single little league soccer game wasn’t the same man who’d fought Nazis head on with a red, white, and blue shield.

Pretend that he was still only the man who was currently getting teased by his mum for saying something that Nate had missed completely.

He debated just outright asking. Sarah always argued that the best approach was the direct approach, and it would hopefully calm his mind from where it was currently whirring at a mile a minute. 

But he had no idea how to do it. What was he supposed to say?

_Hey dad, sorry to interrupt, but I think I saw you in this book, and upon further reflection, I’m certain that you’re the long dead Captain America. Can you confirm this?_

Nate almost groaned out loud. 

Mum’s voice suddenly popped in his head, a snippet of an overheard conversation she’d had with Izzy a few years back.

_Trust your gut, but don’t give away your position immediately just because you have a hunch. Gather evidence, build your case, and then act._

Gather evidence, build your case, and then act.

Once again, mum saves the day.

Whether she knew it or not.

* * *

First things first: gather evidence. Though Nate knew deep down that if he went up to his dad and just asked, he would tell him everything, Nate needed to continue this investigation for himself.

It was beginning to prove harder than he thought. For a national symbol, Nate was having a hard time finding resources that provided more in-depth information about Captain America’s specific whereabouts during the war. His only solace was that through careful and catered digging, he’d uncovered two more unmasked photos of Steve Rogers.

Less than thirty years ago, it probably would’ve been so much easier to find more resources on Captain America - ones that weren’t just popular comic book or trading card drawings with only a slight semblance. Now it seemed that a lot of the historical resources were seemingly out of public circulation at the very least, and Nate had a gut feeling that it couldn’t be purely a coincidence.

He spent the next week practically living at the library after school, combing through mountains of books. Every time he found a concrete story or reference about Captain America, he would jot down all the details that appeared. He found that from there, he could match the times and locations with some that uncle Howard and uncle Dugan had let slip of dad’s war whereabouts. Though not everything was a perfect match, Nate had found enough to build a timeline of locations where both his dad and Captain America had been during the war.

It wasn’t much, but it was a start. Nate had more of a plan in mind, but he needed help to get it all done in a timely enough manner. Knowing mum, it wouldn’t be long before she saw right though him.

Which led him to his next step.

Telling his sisters.

They were coming home for Thanksgiving weekend, Izzy from NYU and Sarah from Harvard Law. Not only were they the only people in the world he could trust with this information before confronting the source, they were the ones who needed to know the truth too. 

Besides, the three of them had always joked from the time they were kids that they could be as good of spies as mum once was. Now was as good a time as any to prove it.

Nate knew he only had a small window to talk to them alone. They were arriving two days from now, on Wednesday afternoon on separate flights. He had volunteered to pick them up since mum would still be at work, and dad had been helping with Mrs. Winston’s weekly shopping since she hurt her leg two weeks back.

He carefully organized his latest research into the file folder, taking one last look at everything before stuffing it in his backpack and heading home.

* * *

After Sarah’s plane had gotten delayed by nearly an hour, her and Izzy arrived at the same time. They walked out of the arrivals gate together, so engrossed in their own conversation that they didn’t see Nate at first. 

Nate took a moment to look at his sisters. Sarah had cut her curly brown hair from shoulder length to a bob, while Izzy’s long blonde curls were braided back - something that she only ever did on flights or road trips.

Finally, when both blue sets of eyes noticed his brown ones looking intently at them, they grinned and rushed over to him, luggage and all.

He hugged them both tightly as they crashed into his arms and laughed as he managed to lift them both off their feet for a moment.

“I see you copied my look,” he told Sarah after he put them down.

“Doesn’t matter if you had short hair first, I’m the eldest, which means I had the curly brown hair look first _period_ ,” she quipped.

“Better luck next time, little man,” Izzy said, wrapping her arm around Nate’s shoulders as they walked to where he had parked the car.

“I’m taller than both of you,” he said.

“Doesn’t matter, you’re still the baby,” Sarah told him, coming up from his other side to wrap an arm around his shoulders. 

Between the two of them, they used their strength to bring him down just until he was a little shorter than them.

“See?” Izzy said. “Little man.”

“But don’t worry, you’re _our_ little man,” Sarah teased.

“It’s like you never left,” he said dryly.

Both of them grinned, and Nate couldn’t help the small smile that had formed on his face. As much as they liked to gang up on him, he’d missed them. They called as often as they could, but it was no substitute when his best friends were miles away. Every year they were off at school the house felt quieter without them.

He helped them load their bags in the trunk before walking over to the driver’s side.

“But seriously,” Sarah asked as she got into the passenger’s seat. “What have you been up to?”

“I’ve been doing a lot of investigating for my final paper,” he said. “And you’ll never believe what I found.”

“That you’re still the biggest nerd in the family?” Sarah joked as he began to drive out of the parking lot.

Nate rolled his eyes as Izzy high-fived her from her spot in the back seat.

“Just look at this and tell me what you see,” he said, handing her a folder.

They both gave him a curious look, but said nothing as Izzy leaned forward and they both began looking at the contents.

“I see that you have a new obsession,” Sarah murmured.

“Yeah, there’s a lot on Captain America here but - _holy shit_ ,” Izzy gasped at the same time that Sarah’s jaw dropped.

“Is this for real?” Sarah asked.

“Yep.”

“But that looks like-”

“Dad,” Nate answered for Sarah.

“But that’s actually-”

“Captain America,” he told Izzy.

“It’s not possible,” Sarah whispered.

“But it’s true.”

“Nate, do you realize what you’re saying?” Izzy asked.

“I do.”

“Dad is Captain America,” Sarah said in disbelief, leaning back in her seat.

“I know,” Nate muttered.

“Steve,” Izzy said quietly.

“What?” Sarah asked. 

“Mum calls dad Steve sometimes. When she thinks we can’t hear her,” she said. “But what she meant was Steve, as in Steve Rogers: Captain America, not Steve: a dumb nickname our dad can’t shake.”

“Some nickname,” Sarah muttered. “How did he survive the crash?”

“I don’t know,” Nate huffed. “But somehow he did.”

“Why hide it from the world?” Sarah asked.

“Why hide it from _us_?” Izzy added.

“That’s what I’m trying to find out,” Nate said.

“He doesn’t know that you know?” Sarah asked.

“No,” he replied.

“Maybe they were waiting to tell us until you graduated high school?” Izzy offered. “Wanted to wait until we were older?”

“I’m 18, you’re about to graduate university and Sarah’s in law school,” Nate reminded her. “I think we’re plenty older.”

“There has to be a good reason why he and mum never told us,” Sarah argued, her jaw set.

“I know there is,” he huffed, gripping the steering wheel tightly. “But why wait so long? What happened that he feels he can’t be himself in this world?”

“Why don’t we just ask him?” Izzy asked. 

“This is dad we’re talking about,” Sarah agreed. “We should give him a chance to explain.”

Nate sighed and ran a hand through his hair. 

“I know that when we go to him and mum they won’t argue or try to defend it, but I just…” he trailed off, not knowing exactly why this was bothering him so much more than it was his sisters.

“What?” Izzy asked.

“I need to keep digging. I don’t know why but I just _have to_ … and I need help to keep going.”

In his peripheral vision, he could see his sisters trading a significant glance.

“What can we do?” Sarah finally asked him.

* * *

After discussing their plan of attack in the car, the three Carter - or was it Rogers now? - siblings spent the next day dividing and conquering. 

Grant Carter didn’t appear out of thin air. Their parents would’ve needed to go to someone who not only had the means to create their dad’s new identity, but who was also someone who they trusted to keep it all under wraps.

Uncle Howard was their only viable option. 

Izzy, having bonded the most with a now four and a half year old Tony (despite the fact that she’d spent most of that time over in New York), offered to hang out with him so that Auntie Maria could have a break while Uncle Howard was at work.

The fact that she got to spend hours with her favourite nephew in order to complete her mission was a definite bonus.

It took Izzy a longer time than she remembered to get Tony tuckered out enough for a nap. With his genius growing every day, his brain was working a million miles a minute - with no signs of stopping. Izzy took pride in watching him work and create things, giving him ample encouragement when he showed off his latest inventions to her. Little Tony was already giving his father a run for his money. 

Once he was finally fast asleep, however, Izzy set to work. She had come prepared with her hair already in a tight bun, a few hair pins, and a pair of gloves tucked into the pocket of her jean jacket. Using the lock picking skills that she’d learned from her mum at the age of 12, she broke into uncle Howard’s home office. Izzy waited with baited breath to see if a security alarm would go off, but thankfully, there was none.

After searching through the office, Izzy found out with dread there wasn’t much there. Apparently her dad’s many _talks_ with Uncle Howard had finally started rubbing off, and he was actually working toward keeping most of his work life at work.

_Figures_.

She searched through every cupboard, every shelf, every drawer, she even poked around the large scale model in the middle of the room, but there didn’t seem to be any evidence of his involvement with Captain America, Steve Rogers, or most importantly: the creation of Grant Carter. 

Izzy let out a frustrated huff, almost deciding to give up when something caught her eye. It was a slightly bent paper that had gotten stuck in the far back inside corner of the drawer she currently had open. She stuck her whole arm in the drawer and carefully pried it out, gasping when she finally caught sight of its contents.

It was a photo of her mum. She was wearing an army issued uniform, her hair tied back in a haphazard bun. Her face had dirt on it, and she was sporting a black eye and cut on her left eyebrow. 

What stood out most, however, was that she was laughing. Not just a small chuckle, it looked like she was full out cackling.

Beside her, was Captain America.

Without the cowl.

Most of his body was covered in mud and dirt, but he seemed otherwise unscathed. His right hand was rubbing the back of his neck and he was staring at her mum like she’d hung the moon with her laugh.

Izzy’s breath hitched at the familiar sight.

_“Daddy, why is mummy having another baby?” Izzy asked when she was four years old._

_“Well, we love both you and your sister a lot, and so we thought we’d like another one.”_

_“_ **_We_ ** _did, did we?”_

_“Mummy!” Izzy gasped as she looked over to the doorway, rushing over to her mummy, who had come home from work._

_“Hello, bug,” she greeted, kneeling down to hug her._

_It felt weird, hugging mummy with her belly getting bigger, but Izzy loved her mummy’s hugs too much to let that get in the way._

_“Are you going to let me have a turn?” daddy asked after Izzy still hadn’t let go, a big smile on his face._

_“I guess,” Izzy sighed, but not quite ready to let go yet. “But you already get_ **_lots_ ** _of turns.”_

_Mum laughed and kissed her hair._

_“You’ll get an extra turn after,” she promised Izzy before standing up._

_“She gets that from you,” mummy told daddy, giving him a look that made Izzy feel warm inside._

_“I know,” daddy answered, leaning forward to kiss mummy,_

_Izzy watched as daddy’s hand rested on mummy’s belly, which he did_ **_a lot_ ** _since they told her and Sarah that they were going to have another sibling. His eyes widened suddenly, and both he and mummy looked down at her belly._

_“You’d think you’d get used to that,” mummy teased daddy._

_“I hope I never do,” he told her, looking at her with lots of love in his eyes when she laughed softly._

_“You’re a terrible sap.”_

Izzy blinked back the tears that had formed as she recalled the memory. 

She’d grown up hearing stories about the war, but most of the time it still felt like such a distant time. There had always been a disconnect in her mind between her parents in the war stories her uncles told, and her parents that used to brush and braid her hair. 

Seeing them here, sharing such an intimate moment even though they were both wearing the evidence of the war on their bodies, Izzy felt like these two ideas of her parents were meeting in her head for the first time.

On the back of the photo was Uncle Howard’s writing: 

_Cap & Carter _

_April 1944_

Izzy smiled and looked back at the photo, when she noticed something clutched in her dad’s left hand. Grinning triumphantly, she carefully tucked the picture on the inside pocket of her jean jacket and returned the office to exactly how it was before, wiping everything down in the process.

* * *

“Hello?”

“Uncle Bucky? It’s Sarah.”

“Hey, Sar-Bear, what’s going on?” he asked. 

“I was just calling because I’m planning my parents wedding anniversary celebration and-”

“Aren’t you a few months early for that?” he asked, though he sounded amused.

“Yes, but it’s their _25th_ anniversary and it’s actually only _two_ months away. It’s a big one and I wanted to do something extra special, but I need your help.”

“What can I do for you?” he asked.

Sarah grinned. Even though they were states apart, she knew she could always count on him.

“Before I start planning anything, I need a theme. You’ve known dad the longest, and you know his and mum’s relationship really well. Is there anything that stands out when you think about the early days of their relationship? Maybe sometime around the war?”

“The right partner,” he said, as though he was reciting an old memory.

“The right partner?” she echoed.

“Something your ma said once. Still sticks out.”

“So, partners?” she asked slowly.

“Yeah. Since the beginning they’ve always worked together, seen each other as equals. They lean on each other for support.”

“Dad always says that mum is his moral compass,” Sarah mused out loud.

Uncle Bucky snorted.

“Of course the punk would say compass,” he muttered. “He’s sappier than those old radio shows.”

“Is there something special about a compass in particular?” she asked, interest piqued.

“Nah, more of an inside joke kinda thing.”

_Inside joke my ass_.

“Alright. Thank you, uncle Bucky. And remember, I want this to be a surprise so-”

“Secret’s safe with me, SarBear,” he promised.

“You’re the best,” she told him.

Sarah hung up the phone and smirked, writing in her notebook and circling the word. 

_Compass._

* * *

Nate, rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time since he’d started reading. 

To be fair, he guessed from the beginning that reading transcripts from _The Captain America Adventure Program_ would be a dead end. It was poorly written fiction - at best. 

However, the second he saw the name Betty Carver, he knew he had to give it a read. Every resource he’d searched through had erased his mum’s role with Captain America and the Howling Commandos. Maybe this would give him something.

Unfortunately, the woman on the paper was nothing like the woman she was meant to be based off of. 

Nate had grown up hearing stories from his uncles about how his mum had knocked out soldiers for insulting or groping her. She’d fought alongside them and Captain America, saving their lives on more than one occasion. His mum was a hero to them. She was the very same woman who was still out there _saving the world and making it safe for you_ , according to dad. 

Even if Nate still didn’t know what precisely her job was.

_“I don’t get it,” he’d asked his mum at 12 years old in frustration. “I’m really strong, why do I have to learn this?”_

_At a certain age, each of the Carter children had been told that they were different. They were faster and stronger than their peers. They had better hearing, vision, and they healed incredibly fast. Most importantly, they had to keep it a secret for their protection._

_However, his mum still insisted on teaching them all to fight, which didn’t make any sense to Nate. If they were stronger than most people, there was no reason for them to train, especially if they had the element of surprise._

_“Because your strength might not always be able to help you, but your knowledge and technique always will,” mum had answered._

_“But-”_

_“Nate, listen to your mother,” dad said, coming out to the backyard with a tray of sandwiches and lemonade. “She knows what she’s doing.”_

_“Fighting smart is better than fighting hard and exhausting all your energy,” mum added._

_“But if I’m strong like you, daddy, then why aren’t you teaching us how to fight?”_

_“Because I can kick his arse,” mum had responded proudly. “And I can do it without the enhanced strength.”_

_“You sure can,” dad answered in that tone that Nate secretly called his ‘gooey, in love with mum’ voice._

_Mum gave him that look which Nate knew meant she was going to kiss dad. Sure enough, she cupped his cheek and pulled him down for a brief kiss._

_Though kissing was_ ** _super_** **_gross_** _, Nate couldn’t deny that it always made him happy to see mummy and daddy being really in love with each other._

_That alone made him feel safer than mummy’s training._

Betty Carver was - to put it lightly - a _damn insult_.

His mum was the strongest person he knew. Nate didn’t think he could recall a time when he’d even seen her cry. He felt a pit in his stomach form. If just reading this made him angry, how must she have felt to hear herself portrayed like that over and over again? To have all her work ridiculed and diluted to being nothing more than a damsel in distress?

Nate put the paper down.

Mum and dad didn’t get married until January 1950. Who knew how long it had been before dad had come back.

How much did mum have to suffer through alone before he did? 

Since no one knew about him coming back, how much did she still have to suffer through after?

Nate swallowed hard, liking the idea of his father’s true identity less and less the more he dug into it.

He was ready to stop his search, when a word further down the page caught his eye.

BUCKY BARNES

Betty Carver’s gonna swoon, pal. What dame wouldn’t want their picture in Captain America’s compass?

Bingo.

* * *

That afternoon, well before they had to be back before dinner, Sarah met with Izzy and Nate at the library.

“Status report,” she said once they’d all settled at the table.

“Not much from my end,” Izzy said. “Uncle Howard is becoming less of a workaholic apparently.”

“So you found nothing?” Nate asked.

“I didn’t say that,” she told him, pulling out a photograph.

“That’s them,” Nate said.

“I’d recognize that dopey lovesick look anywhere,” Sarah murmured.

“Kinda reminds me of how you and Teresa look at each other,” Nate told her, half-teasing.

_“Dad?” Sarah said quietly, after entering the kitchen._

_“Yeah, peanut?”_

_Sarah smiled. Even though she was 22 years old, it still filled her heart with warmth every time he called her by the nickname he’d given her the moment she’d been born._

_“Even though you looked_ **_nothing_ ** _like a peanut,” mum would always tell her in both dismay and exasperation. “If I hadn't just spent the last 18 hours giving birth, I might have had the brain capacity to save you from it.”_

_“How did you know you were in love with mum?” Sarah asked._

_Her dad gave her a large grin._

_“In the first two minutes I met her in basic, she punched a soldier for coming onto her. That pretty much sealed the deal.”_

_“I’m being serious,” she said flatly, having heard that particular story_ **_many_ ** _times before._

_Sure it was a cool story, and she was glad that she could count on him to be consistent in his love for mum, but it was also_ **_massively_ ** _unhelpful right now._

_“So am I,” he told her with an over the top dreamy sigh before leaning against the counter. “You really want to know?”_

_“Yes,” she practically pleaded._

_“I don’t think it was a particular moment for me. But I knew that I loved her because she was the first face I looked for whenever I’d come back from an assignment. My stomach would do a million flips when I could make her laugh or even smile. Her opinion was the one that mattered most to me. She was the person who inspired me, who I aspired to be more like. Still is.”_

_“Huh…” she mused softly_

_“Any particular reason you’re asking?” he asked knowingly._

_“I think I might… you know,” she said quietly, not having the courage to fully admit it yet._

_“Yeah?” he asked, giving her an encouraging smile. “Do you know how they feel about you?”_

_“She looks at me the same way you look at mum,” Sarah whispered, her stomach filling with butterflies just thinking about it._

_“Then you might just have a keeper.”_

“Look at what’s in dad’s hand though,” Izzy said, grabbing Sarah’s attention.

“A compass,” Nate realized, scrambling to find something in his stack of papers. “A compass that I’ll bet has mum’s picture in it.”

“You think?” Izzy asked.

Nate pulled out a singular piece of paper - a transcript from what looked like to be a radio show.

“Most of this show is garbage, but something tells me that this - the compass - has some truth to it.”

“So let’s find the compass,” Izzy grinned. “Then we find a way to connect it to dad.”

“One step ahead of you,” Sarah told her, pulling out the very same compass they were talking about.

After calling each of her uncles that she could get a hold of and interviewing them about her parents, she knew exactly what her next step had to be. Sarah had gone in search for the little metallic item, and found it easily.

“How did you find this?” Nate said.

“When I was three years old, it was on dad’s nightstand. I grabbed it one day, but couldn’t get it open before he found me and took it away. But even after all these years he didn’t hide it well.”

“It was _inside_ the nightstand, huh?” Izzy asked.

“Yep,” Sarah snorted. “Even after we moved.”

“I can’t believe this is the same man who’s been leading a double life,” Nate said in disbelief.

“You and me both,” Sarah said.

“Come on, open it,” Izzy poked.

“Alright alright,” she said.

They all held their breath in the moment it took for Sarah to pop it open.

* * *

That night at dinner, they couldn’t hide their agitation.

Well, maybe it was just Nate. Izzy and Sarah were always annoyingly good at masking their anxiety. Not as good as mum, but still better than he was.

Nate just couldn’t get the sight of the photo Izzy had found, or mum’s picture in dad’s compass out of his head. Even as he watched his parents closely while Sarah raved about her favourite professor this semester, he couldn’t mesh the image in front of him with the idea of Captain America. 

Something about it was still eating away at Nate.

“Alright, out with it,” mum said abruptly once Sarah had finished speaking.

“What?” the three of them asked at once - too quickly to sound innocent.

“You don’t have to be a spy to know that the three of you have been acting strangely the last 24 hours,” dad said.

“So if you have something to say, share it now so we can have our thanksgiving dinner tomorrow in peace.”

“As peaceful as things can get,” dad reminded her.

Unamused, mum quirked her eyebrow at him before turning it toward her children. Nate felt his heart hammer in his chest. 18 years on this earth and that look hadn’t lost its effectiveness.

The three of them looked at each other and nodded in silent agreement. As the unofficial leader of their investigation, Nate went to go grab their evidence.

Nate handed mum and dad the folder, and the three of them watched with bated breath while their parents perused it together in silence. As usual, dad’s face revealed more emotion than mum’s. His knowing eyes were sad, but they held a tinge of warmth and fondness as they looked through the pictures they’d collected, the mostly detailed timeline of Captain America’s and Grant Carter’s war whereabouts, and all the references to the compass.

When they looked up from the folder, Nate took a breath and placed the compass in the middle of the table. After a silent breath, Mum was the one who reached for it and popped it open. She gingerly traced the perimeter of the lid with her thumb, her eyes softened at the sight of it.

Only for a moment.

“This is very thorough, especially considering your resources,” mum said, sounding almost proud. “But what exactly are you trying to say?”

Of course she would make them spell it out. Nate didn’t know why he would expect any less. This was the same woman who taught them to _never give yourself away, even when backed into a corner._

“Dad is Captain America,” Sarah stated.

“I _was_ ,” dad corrected, but seemingly unfazed by the declaration.

The three of them remained silent at his bluntness, even though they’d been expecting the truth to come out immediately. The admission plucked a nerve inside Nate. 

_Why was he so casual about this?_

Mum took this moment to look at dad.

“I told you,” she said plainly.

“You did,” dad sighed softly.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Sarah asked, regaining her voice first.

“I was supposed to be dead,” dad said.

“And it would have been rather difficult to keep that secret if three children were telling the world that their daddy is Captain America,” mum added.

“But we’re not children anymore,” Nate told them. “We haven’t been for a while. You should have told us.”

“We were planning to,” dad said. 

“But you didn’t,” Sarah argued.

Their parents exchanged a brief look that Nate couldn’t decipher, and mum placed her hand on dad’s leg.

“Why didn’t you tell the world that you didn’t die?” Izzy asked. 

“It wasn’t their business.”

“But you were a hero,” Nate said. “The world needed you.”

“No, it didn’t,” his dad said firmly.

“How can you know that?” 

“Nate,” Sarah began, almost as a warning.

“No, I want to know,” he said, feeling increasingly agitated. “You were given a gift with the serum. Captain America was fighting for the little guy. How could you just stop?”

“It took me a long time to get back,” dad said. “When I finally did, I was more than ready to put down the shield. If I came back as Steve Rogers, that wouldn’t have been an option.”

“You ran away.”

“I retired.”

“You gave up!”

“ _Nathaniel,_ ” mum snapped.

“All my life you’ve told us that we have to fight for what’s right, but you walked away when you had a chance to make a difference. You’re a hypocrite.”

“Nate,” Izzy said forcefully at the same time Sarah tried to put her hand on his arm.

He stood abruptly and rushed up to his room without another word, not wanting to hear any more excuses.

* * *

Nate laid curled up on his bed for a few minutes with tears burning in his eyes until there was a series of heels clicking and a knock on the door.

“Go away,” he said.

“Do you really want me to?” his mum asked.

He stayed silent for a moment.

“No,” he whispered.

The door opened, and after the sound of her heels clicking again, it closed.

“That was quite a scene you caused,” she told him, leaning against the door.

“I thought dad would be the one to come up to talk to me.”

“He wanted to, but I volunteered. I thought it might benefit you to talk to someone a bit more removed.”

“You’ve known this whole time. You’re not that removed.”

“Even if he tried, your father couldn’t have lied to me.”

“But he lied to _us_.”

“Sometimes parents lie to their children to protect them. It doesn’t make it right, but we do what we can with the knowledge we have in the moment.”

“That’s a cop out answer,” he said, sitting up to look at her.

“It’s also true.”

“Dad gave up being a hero, he gave up helping people when he could’ve done so much good. And he’s been preaching to us that we should do what he _knowingly_ stopped doing.”

“You have no idea what he’s been through, what he had to sacrifice to get where he is,” she tried to reason with him.

“No I don’t, because he’s been lying to me this entire time. You _both_ have.”

“Have you stopped to consider for a moment what _he_ wanted?”

Nate went to open his mouth, but stopped when he realized that no, in fact, he hadn’t.

He shook his head.

“Listen well, Nathaniel,” she said. “There are two very important things that you need to understand before you even think about judging your father.”

Nate clenched his jaw, but nodded slightly. Mum considered him for a few moments before grabbing his desk chair and setting it in front of his bed. She took a seat and leaned forward.

“Your father crash landed a plane in the middle of an ocean to save all of New York, to help end a war that he’d already been fighting for two years. He gave his life so _millions_ of people could keep theirs. He made that choice without a second thought because it was the right thing to do. Even though it meant he’d lose everything.”

Nate swallowed hard, no longer fighting to keep his tears at bay.

“You want to know why your father didn’t go back to service after he fought so hard to come back after that? After experiencing such a traumatic thing?”

“Mum-” he croaked.

“Just because he was turned into a patriotic symbol for the public to consume doesn’t mean that he owed anyone anything. He deserved to come home and _rest_ and live his life like any other soldier.”

She looked away, and Nate realized that she had tears in her eyes. His own widened in panic, not having the slightest idea what the protocol was for this situation.

“I’m sorry,” Nate whispered. “I… I didn’t think of it that way.”

It was true. He’d been so focused on what Captain America had meant as a public figure, as a beacon of hope and hero and the impact of that loss, he never stopped to think about the man behind the shield. He felt guilt weigh heavily in his stomach as he finally realized why he’d had such a hard time connecting his dad to his former identity.

He had only been thinking about Captain America, not Steve Rogers.

Mum discreetly wiped under her eyes and turned back to him, giving Nate a sad attempt of a smile.

“I know,” she told him. “And I understand that you’re hurt and frustrated that we didn’t tell you sooner, but his death - _supposed_ death, is still something of an open wound for us. So we chose to postpone it as long as possible. It was selfish of us, and I’m sorry.” 

“Me too.”

“He’s still the same brave, loving, _wonderful_ man who raised you,” mum promised him, leaning forward to cup his face and wipe the tears from his cheeks. “Believe me, I know him better than anyone.”

“I didn’t even think…”

“What is it?” she asked softly when he trailed off.

“You said there was a second thing,” he remembered quietly.

Mum sighed softly and nodded, motioning for him to move over. He did as was told, and she sat beside him on the bed.

“I got pregnant with Sarah about six weeks before our wedding - though don’t tell your sisters. I shan’t hear the end of it if they find out.”

“You might not hear the end of it from me,” he said, half teasing.

“Well you certainly can’t blame me. Not when your father looks the way he does.”

“ _Ew, mum_ ,” he groaned loudly.

“I’m only human,” she defended. “Now, since the moment the serum was created, there have always been those trying to replicate it. The government alone used up every vial they had of your father’s blood in an attempt to do so, to no avail. After he was lost, all hope of trying to replicate it was lost with him.”

“And if word got out that dad was alive and you were married, the government would’ve come after us to try and recreate the serum,” Nate realized out loud.

“Or people much worse, like the ones who took your uncle Bucky during the war,” mum told him.  “With everything happening at the time, it didn’t even occur to us when we found out I was pregnant the extent that our children might inherit his genes. We didn’t even think about it until Sarah showed signs very early on of having your father’s abilities. I was terrified at what that meant for her, and for any other children we might have.”

“You were scared?” he asked in disbelief.

“Of course. You three are the light of my life.”

“And dad?”

“That goes without saying. Though I suppose I should say it in case he’s listening and has half a mind to pout at me later, the big baby.”

Nate snorted, but gave her a small smile.

“Your father detested being a lab rat, and that’s the last thing we wanted for you three. At that point we’d already been hiding his identity, so we figured that the less you knew growing up, the easier it would be to protect you.”

“Who else knows?”

Mum snorted.

“More people than we’d like,” she admitted. “But no one’s let anything slip to the press yet.”

“Is it hard?” he asked.

“Is what hard?”

“Not being able to call dad by his real name in public? Having to lie all the time?”

“It was… something to get used to. But at the end of the day, if the price I have to pay for having your father with me is to call him by another name when we’re in public then I shall pay it happily for the rest of my days.”

“The beard’s another price,” Nate reminded her.

“I’m actually quite fond of it.”

“That’s not what you tell dad.”

“And give him that power over me? I think not,” she scoffed.

Nate laughed softly and grinned.

“I won’t tell him,” he promised.

“That’s my boy,” she smiled, her eyes softening. “Although I suppose you’re quite the young man now.”

“Yeah, but you’re still my mum.”

He hugged her tightly, burying his face in her shoulder. She hugged him back just as fiercely and stroked his hair. Nate relaxed, knowing that if there was any place he’d always feel protected and cared for, it was in his mum’s arms - no matter that he was now the same height as dad and towered over her when standing.

“Is he mad at me?” Nate murmured.

“I think your father is physically incapable of being mad at you lot,” she joked before pulling away. “Mostly, he was worried about you.”

That definitely sounded like his dad. Like the same man that would always ask his mum for a dance, never assuming her answer would be yes, no matter that they did so every week at the same time without fail. 

With his head clearer now, Nate didn’t know how he’d managed to convince himself otherwise.

Nate stood and instinctively offered his mum a hand to help her stand.

“You’re so much like him,” mum told him fondly, accepting his hand. “No matter that you look just like me, you have his spirit and his heart.”

He flushed slightly, but smiled proudly at the comparison.

They walked down the stairs arm in arm back to the dinner table, where Sarah, Izzy and dad were all talking. The moment he and mum walked in they stopped, and dad stood immediately. Nate’s heart clenched slightly at the sadness in his eyes.

He sucked in a deep breath and - after letting go of his mum’s arm - walked toward his dad with purpose and hugged him tightly. Dad hugged him back immediately and Nate relaxed into his arms.

The second place he’d always feel safe.

“I’m sorry,” Nate said quietly.

“You got nothing to be sorry for,” his dad whispered. 

“I’m really glad you’re my dad.”

“Me too.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He pulled away slightly, and dad wiped a tear that had escaped Nate’s eye.

“Come on, let’s finish eating,” dad said, smiling softly at him.

Nate nodded and took his seat.

He watched as mum crossed the few feet toward dad, and lifted her hand to brush her fingers against his cheek. Like countless times Nate had witnessed before, dad relaxed into the touch and held her wrist, looking as though he was drawing strength from her. After a few moments, mum gave him a reassuring wink before taking her seat next to him.

“Okay I got one,” Izzy told dad, determined to relieve the room of any remaining tension. “Did you ever use it as a toboggan?”

“Yes, but only for escape reasons,” dad answered, following her lead.

“What’s going on?” mum asked, looking between them curiously.

“We’re asking dad questions about the war,” Sarah said.

“Mostly the shield,” Izzy admitted.

“Aren’t you interested in hearing my answers as well?”

“You used the shield?” Izzy asked, eyes wide.

“Of course,” she told them. “Only as was needed, of course.”

“She was a natural,” dad added.

“Was there ever a doubt?” mum teased.

“Nope,” he told her, giving her a dopey grin.

“Ugh if you’re going to kiss just kiss,” Sarah said, rolling her eyes fondly. 

“As long as we have your explicit permission,” mum joked before grabbing the collar of dad’s shirt and pulling him in for a chaste kiss.

“Well there goes my appetite,” Izzy half-joked. 

“I can’t believe I spent nearly two hours on a plane and a whole day investigating for _this_ ,” Sarah told them with a smile.

Nate didn’t chime in like he normally did. He just enjoyed the way that his parents gave each other a quick loving look before turning back to tease Sarah and Izzy in turn, the way they’d done thousands of times before. 

He noticed how dad’s hand easily found mum’s leg under the table, and how it remained there as he kept answering his sisters’ questions - with interjections from mum, of course. Most importantly, Nate saw the ease and content in his parents’ eyes. 

Nate listened intently as Sarah and Izzy kept spitting out question after question, the three of them relishing in the fact that for the first time in their lives, their parents were willing to answer all their war-related questions and even divulge a few stories in detail.

“Alright I have to ask now,” Sarah said. “Mum when did you first start to like dad?”

“I was interested to some extent from the beginning,” mum said. “But the moment that I realized there was definitely something tangible there was in basic.”

“Before Project Rebirth?” Izzy asked.

“Mhmm. Your father, 90 pounds soaking wet at the time, jumped on a grenade that landed in camp.”

“ _What?”_ his sisters both exclaimed.

“Hey, you tried to jump on it too. I was just closer,” dad defended.

Mum and dad both exchanged a knowing glance while Izzy and Sarah begged to hear more details. 

When asked about it by his dad many years down the line, Nate always cited this moment as the one where he knew for certain that his dad had made the right choice.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly Darcy deserves an award because I think I wrote like four or five different versions of this and she read them all and even now I'm not sure if I'm satisfied with this. Bless her soul.
> 
> Still, I always love writing in this universe, and I love writing Steggy children, no matter what age they are.


End file.
